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Mediating Over Three Cups of Tea

Hossein Talebzadeh — Department of Social Sciences, Farhangian University of Tehran

Category: Classroom Management & Identity

Years ago, at the school where I was teaching, we had a vice-principal who was hardworking but short-tempered. One day, after repeated misbehavior, he lost control and slapped a fourth-grade student so hard that the child fell and injured his wrist. The next day, the boy returned with his arm in a cast, accompanied by furious parents. His father stormed in, demanding the vice-principal.

Realizing the danger of escalation, I quickly advised the vice-principal to leave and approached the father calmly. Knowing him from my neighborhood and sharing the same native language (Azeri), I invited him and his family to the library to talk. Masoumeh, the school caretaker, brought us three cups of tea—cups that would change the course of the conversation.

The father angrily recounted the incident. I acknowledged his pain and confirmed the vice-principal’s behavior was unacceptable. Gradually, the tension eased. After the first cup of tea, voices softened. I suggested forgiveness, reminding him of the vice-principal’s long years of service. He agreed—on the condition that such punishment never happen again. His wife protested, but he silenced her, insisting that when someone from his hometown asked for forgiveness, he could not refuse. By the second cup of tea, calm prevailed. They left without confrontation.

Later, the vice-principal, pale and shaken, thanked me. I told him firmly: “Never, ever, physically punish a student again.” And as long as I remained in that school, no student was ever subjected to corporal punishment by him again. I realized that sometimes, mediation means three cups of tea, patience, and knowing when to speak in someone’s native language.

Mediating Over Three Cups of Tea: An Experience in Crisis Management

Introduction

Educational environments are not only for knowledge transmission but also for social and moral development. This story illustrates a crisis managed through mediation, cultural awareness, and communication. It is analyzed from psychological-pedagogical, cultural, and sociological perspectives.

۱٫ Psychological and Pedagogical Analysis

Corporal punishment harms students’ self-esteem and creates fear. The vice-principal’s action caused physical and emotional harm and provoked social backlash. The teacher’s intervention—calm dialogue, shared language, and emotional validation—aligned with conflict resolution strategies emphasizing active listening and constructive solutions.

۲٫ Cultural Analysis

Language is a tool for trust. Speaking Azeri calmed the father and built empathy. Cultural ties and community bonds played a decisive role in resolving the conflict. This shows how local cultural capital can aid conflict resolution.

۳٫ Sociological Analysis

The story reveals power structures and gender roles. The father, as decision-maker, reconsidered when a trusted intermediary intervened. The mother’s protest was silenced, reflecting patriarchal norms. The vice-principal, initially an authority figure, was forced to change under social pressure.

Conclusion

  • Emotional control is essential in schools; staff need training in regulation and behavior management.
  • Mediation and communication skills can transform crises into constructive dialogue.
  • Punitive discipline must be replaced with positive alternatives.
  • Cultural and social ties can be powerful tools for de-escalation.

Ultimately, this story shows that teachers are not only educators but also mediators and agents of peace in schools.

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